My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
