I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
