We won't sleep together?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
what day is it and did you see me today?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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