I'm so fucking centered right now
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
