At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In other news, I just burned my penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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