oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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