I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
