fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
