I got chris browned last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
