here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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