I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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