In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
