Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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