I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
