Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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