i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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