You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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