do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
