u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
