Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
two words...techno handjob
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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