so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
