My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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