So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
