toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
