Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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