hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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