I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
