I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
