My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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