i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
