i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
