Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
