I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
