so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
