I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Randomize
