using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm always down for nudity.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
