you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
