I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.