I am puke
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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