I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
