whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
