I look better un-naked...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
