we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
