it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
