I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
