ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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