the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
