he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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