We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
