I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
