i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
