yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
