I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
