Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
