i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
