Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
