well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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