I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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