I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
