I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
