my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
