there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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