He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is Oprah even human
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
