I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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