Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
