She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
