This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
