She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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