i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
