if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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