By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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