just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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