I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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