genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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