that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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