I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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