I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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