U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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