we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
