I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh god it's open bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
