told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
