Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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