Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
